These are a few of my favorite things.

I noticed that many of my blog posts were a bit cynical, so I decided to change it up a little bit and tell you about some things I love. Please note that I love my wife and family more than all of things, but this post is dedicated to much less important stuff.

WEBSITES
www.popurls.com
I have to warn you: some of the content on popurls is inappropriate, but the vast majority of the links on that site are interesting or funny. The site is a bit overwhelming because of the sheer quantity, but you get used to it pretty fast. Much of the content is user-driven though, so you'll see F-words and some inappropriate stuff once in a while. I think it's super cool because I can get access to legitimate news on the same page as just silly commentary by regular folks.

www.alexa.com/hoturls
This website tracks the most popular sites of the day and ranks them. If you just need a quick summary of all the major events of the day, this site is for you.

www.kayak.com
I don't use this popular travel (airline+hotel ish) website because I don't have any money to spend on it. However, it's fantastic. I'm sure many of you have used it, but for those of you who don't know, it searches all of the popular websites (travelocity, expedia, etc) and finds the best rate. It's especially cool because it also searches individual airline websites, which are often the cheapest. However, be warned, Southwest.com doesn't participate.

www.twitter.com
At first I thought twitter was completely lame. Honestly, who wants to hear random crap from me all day? But the other day I decided to turn it from an outputting website (me talking) to an inputting website (me listening). I started following news and sports stations and some comedians, and now I can go there to here the latest news and some funny jokes. You can also search for whatever word you want, and it will bring up all of the twitter posts that include that word. So I got to watch all the trash talk during the Utah BYU game and it was pretty funny.

TV SHOWS
Glee
There is a lot to hate about this show. I really only watch it for the musical performances, but the rest of it is actually starting to grow on me. Sure, I think it sets a bad example for kids in that it makes it seem okay to be completely amoral. "There's really no such thing as right or wrong as long as you feel good about yourself in the world." They also try to tackle every possible issue they can. Two gay dads, gay glee kid with jock father, hypochondriac, fake pregnancy, teen pregnancy, racism, bullies, popularity, and the list goes on and on.
However, there are several things that really impress me. For instance, the lead guy character, Finn is just naturally a good man. The world brings him down but he just wants to be nice. His previously villianous girlfriend, Quinn, is finally showing that she's human and that she's actually a good person. This villian-hero switcheroo is common on television. (See: Lost and Sawyer) I also like how the show showcases how even though Rachel (fantastic singer) is completely rude and crazy, it still hurts her feelings when people aren't nice to her, and that pointing out the negative truth can do damage.

Castle:
First of all, I love Nathan Fillion. I really liked Serenity (Firefly), and I think he's great in Dr. Horrible's sing-along blog. (Find it on hulu.com, another favorite website)
He stars as "Castle" in this show. He's a mystery novel writer and he tags along with a homicide detective. The dialog is extremely well-written. I especially like the way Castle relates to his daughter and mother who live with him. It's also awesome how he's perceived to be an arrogant and irresponsible playboy but in reality he's a caring single father who lost his wife. Last nights episode was extra clever: murder suspect with amnesia has forgotten all the things that made him a bad husband, and so his ex-wife falls in love with him again... showing that sometimes experiences can overcome good character, and that sometimes you have to forget about what makes you so bitter in life in order to be the good person that's inside you.

Burn Notice
This show is awesome, and it makes me sad that it's only on in the summer. This is another example of a great man who wants to do what's right being forced to use his extraordinary skills to fight evil. He also helps people in need in every episode.

. . . and obviously: 24, The Office, and Lost
I won't get into these, but these shows are my favorite shows on TV. 24 may be losing steam, but it's awesome. The new season of the Office is probably the best yet, although season 3 was extraordinary. And Lost is just a mind bending addictive type of TV-Crack.

FOOD
I don't want to write about much in this section.. but I love McDonald's breakfast. I am truly addicted to all things McMuffin.

GADGETS

Ubuntu
This is a form of linux, which is an operating system. So if you didn't have a mac, and windows didn't work, you could use Ubuntu, which is based on linux programming. It's awesome because it's smooth, stylish, and stable. It's really hard to get working sometimes, because it's made for geeks. But it's free, and you can run it off the CD without doing anything to your computer.

Over The Air HD TV:
We don't have cable, so we bought a great antenna and plugged it in to my tv, which has a built in digital converter (so we don't need one of those boxes like all the old people).
The signal is incredible, and it easily dominates cable. The channels are limited, but we get 7 HD channels and a bunch of PBS stuff. Now I'd just like to get an over-the-air equipped DVR to use. There are a few available, but they are too expensive.

Apple products
So I don't agree with a lot of the companies political philosophies, like how they dropped out of the chamber of commerce because they felt the chamber wasn't doing enough to combat climate change. Why don't you use your chamber relationships to set a good example and encourage other businesses to follow your green example?
Anyway, they make good stuff. All of my Dell computers seem to be breaking left and right, but everyone around me at law school seems to be happy with their Macs. I also love iPods, iPhones, and iMacs. Of course there are disadvantages, but I just wanted to say publicly that I don't think I'll ever buy a PC again, especially a Dell.

Intelligence: Is it over rated?? How would I know.

This post is way way way too long. Sorry.

There was a great episode of House on last night. I'll try not to spoil anything important here just in case some of you are going to watch it on Hulu later.

Dr. House's patient was a former genius (for some reason he is no longer as smart in the hospital) who was making the argument that life is better when he's not so smart, and that he's much happier stupid. He claimed it was nice to not have so much on his mind all the time.
When the man starts to get smarter again, he looks at Dr. House, who is also somewhat of a genius, and says something like, "It's hard isn't it? It's kind of lonely." Dr. House replied, "It's not that hard." And the patient said, "Then you're not that smart."

So the first question is, are intelligence and happiness mutually exclusive? In other words, if you get smarter and smarter, is it harder (or to be accurate, impossible) to be as happy?
I don't think they are completely linked. But it's possible that if you get to a certain intelligence level it would be hard not to think everyone was slow and stupid. It would be like driving on a 55MPH highway when everyone else was driving 20 mph. Yeah, you can pretend it wouldn't upset you.
So maybe if you add patience and kindness into the equation, then you can be happy and freaking smart at the same time. Good thing that's oh so easy to do.

Then, the second question is whether or not you'd trade some of your smarts in for more happiness. If you had to drop your IQ by a substantial amount, say 20 percentile points (so if you were smarter than 60% of people, you'd now be smarter than only 40%), but it would make your average daily happiness 20% higher, would you do it?

I used to use surveys to meet cute girls, and then use the results on my marketing assignments. One time, I did an unscientific survey that read like this:

"Would you take an IQ increase of 30 points (that's a TON), if it meant your average lifetime weight would be 50 lbs higher?"
Of the girls I surveyed, the vast majority of them said no. The most common reasoning was "I'm already smart enough." Yeah, right.
Just for information, the men surveyed overwhelmingly said yes.

I find this information to be extremely interesting. Like I said, it was completely unscientific, because I only asked thin and attractive girls, and my sample size was rather small (around 40 girls).
Look at it from the opposite point of view. I'm 50 pounds overweight, and there's no way I would trade 30 IQ points in to be 50 lbs lighter. But I don't have that much to spare. Maybe if I had a genius IQ I would be more willing to give some of it up.

I assume that most people would probably choose to be smart, and a little less happy. And I think most women, at least, would give up an intelligence bonus in order to stay thin and beautiful. So does that mean that our priorities as a society go in this order: Beauty first, Intelligence Second, Happiness third.
I assume most smart and beautiful people would say they are happier because they are smart and beautiful, but I think happiness is more independent than that.

STOP READING HERE IF YOU ARE IN A HURRY.


One time I got kicked out of class for being a jackass. There was a period of my life where girls didn't like me (well, that's more than a period of my life) and I didn't have a lot of friends, and my hormones were being screwed up by Acutane (magical anti-acne pills). I was trying to learn how to be funny, and it made me less nice.
So I was in Mrs. Oberhansly's 11th Grade English class. (Bless her heart) We were watching a movie about how kids with various levels of intelligence should be in classes together, rather than separating people by intelligence or aptitude. When the teacher paused the movie to give commentary I raised my hand and said, "Professor, aren't we in an honors english class?" She was mad, but not mad enough to kick me out yet.
The movie continued with a psychologist suggesting that everyone is smart in some way. The psychologist said, "The question isn't 'are you smart?' The question is 'how are you smart?'"
I muttered under my breath (not quiet enough) It's not "are you stupid?" it's "how are you so stupid?"
"GET OUT NOW!!!"
So I went outside. Not to the principal...oh no. She didn't tell me where to go, so I just sat outside. But I forgot to get my book inside, so I had to wait and go back in for it. Awkward. I was a decent student in the easiest highschool in the world, and so I had a 3.8 at the time, but I got a C- in her class.

I don't know why I felt the need to respond to this film with sarcasm, but I did. I guess I just rejected the idea that alternate forms of intelligence, like working with your hands, or "street smarts", should have any bearing on who gets to be in what classes. At the time, I felt like that was choosing people for the basketball team based on their ability to play tennis, or snow ski. Although those skills are admirable, they aren't sufficiently related to base so much on.

However, I do feel like that movie makes a great point. The education system only really rewards a few different kinds of intelligence, and overlooks the others. Is there a solution to this? Probably not a practical one. And unfortunately, many employers hire based on academic achievement thereby not fully considering the other types of intelligence.
So what are the different forms of intelligence? There are probably thousands of subcategories. And I'm not even talking about talents. I don't think the ability to crochet is broad enough to be considered a form of intelligence.

I want to focus on the more broad forms. I looked all over the internet and found basically the same 9 types of intelligence. For more information click here

The 9 types are:
Naturalist
Musical
Logical
Existential
Interpersonal (people smart)
Bodily (hands on)
Intrapersonal (self smart)
Spatial (picture smart)

I did a quick search in many of these sources and I never found the word memory. So I'm going to reject these 9 types and go with my own. I'm not saying mine are better, but my list just includes what I want to focus on.

John's suggested types of intelligence:

1: Reading Comprehension
2: Ability to memorize
3: Ability to retain information
4: Analytical, logical abilities
5: Focus
6: Charisma (ability to impress, and lead)
7: Street Smarts (Including the ability to figure stuff out on your own, or by watching)
8: Hands on smarts
9: Athletic Ability (Yes I think this is intelligence. Your brain controls your body.)
10: Empathy
11: Ability to Communicate
12: Ability to be a visionary (i.e., Steve Jobs)

I'm sure I left some things off.

So going back to that video in 11th grade. . . Is everyone smart in some area? What if you limit it to my 12. Let's define smart as "in the top 25% of the population (for your age) in that category."

I've got no shot at 1,2,3, or 5. I'd say I'm clearly in the bottom quarter of 3 and 5.
6,7,8, 9 and 12 are almost certainly no-goes as well for me.
So it's possible I'd make it in for 4, 10, and 11, but those are toss-ups.

Now I really don't want to be arrogant. I don't think I'm naturally that special at all. But I'm a graduate student, I went to good schools, I have loving and involved parents, and I've made it through life with out too many major problems. And I STILL only have a shot at 3 out of 12.
Statistically, (if there were an even distribution-- but there's not) most or all people would be in the top 25% of 4 of the 12 categories.

So what do you think. Do you think that every mentally-healthy person on earth is "smart" in one of the 12 categories? If so, then the question should be "how are you smart?" As a result, it would make sense for people to identify their strengths and weaknesses early on.

So here are my questions for you:
1: Do you think the more intelligent you get the harder it is to be happy?
If so, then what kinds of intelligence are most likely to make you unhappy? I am pretty good at looking at systems and finding problems, and then fixing those problems. That makes me unhappy every time I go to a business.

2: Would you sacrifice 20 percentile points in each type of intelligence in order to be 20% happier?
I wouldn't, but that answer makes me feel stupid . . .

3: Would you take an intelligence bonus in each category of 20% if it meant your average lifetime weight had to be 50 lbs heavier?
This is hard for me, because I'm already fat. However, I'd say Yes.

4: Are all mentally-healthy people smart (top 25%) in at least one of the 12 categories?

5: Which types of intelligence would you most like to be "smart" in? If you could choose three types, what would they be?
I'd love to have me some memory smarts, and that visionary thing could make me some big money.

Interviews

I applied for several jobs this fall. Some employers wanted to interview me, some didn't. I recently received a rejection letter from one employer thanking me for the great interview we had. Trouble is, they never gave me an interview. Good times.
I think the whole interview process is kind of a joke. I mean no disrespect to anyone that interviewed me. They were all professional and very nice. It's just that I really think that interviews are just a big BSing contest.

In the absolute best episode of "The Office" ever (Season 3's "the Return") Dwight is being interviewed: "How would I describe myself? Three words: Hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer (pause) merciless, insatiable."

Now this is funny, because it's Dwight, but what does it tell the interviewer? Nothing. I guess an interviewer could possibly get a "feel" for a person. Maybe some people can decide whether they can work with a person in 15 minutes of Q&A.
I think it's mostly phoney baloney.
One of my favorite co-workers ever was horrible in the interview. This person was a fantastic employee. The only reason we decided to hire this person was that we had an extremely urgent need.

Just for fun, I'm going to provide a realistic hypothetical interview to illustrate its uselessness. Out-loud words are in normal type, thoughts are in italics.


Interviewer: Hi, come on in. Have a seat.
This is the 10th interview of the day. I'm so sick of this crap. If one more person says they love to "help people" it's going to break my brain.

Joe Schmoe: Okay, thank you very much.
Wow, nice office. I hope he didn't notice my palm was sweaty. Who's in that picture? Is that his daughter or his wife? She's Smokin'!

Interviewer: So thanks for coming in. I'm not really a fan of stuffy interviews. I just want to ask you a few questions to get to know you better.
Really I don't know what I'm doing. I just want to make sure you didn't lie on your resume, and that you won't scare the customers.

Joe: Great. Thanks again for the opportunity.
Again? Why did I say again. I haven't thanked him before. Oh well.

Interviewer: So tell me about yourself?
Stupid question. . . but I haven't read his resume yet, so that's all I've got.

Joe: Well, I'm 28 years old, and I'm single. I like to golf and run 5Ks Uh.. um.. yeah, that's about it.
What else am I supposed to say dude. I like video games, and I'd rather be watching Tv. I ran a 5k four years ago... I think. Oh, and I think your daughter's a fox.

Interviewer: Oh you're a runner? That's very impressive.
Well, I can't consider most of that, and the rest is irrelevant. And he's a runner? I hate runners. Always talking about training, and chafing.
So, I see from your resume that you worked as a manager specializing in risk analysis.

Joe: Yes. I spent 5 years there. I worked with all types of people on accounts ranging from small amounts to millions of dollars.
Does he realize that I only sold insurance?

Interviewer: Great... great... I wonder if I'm going to make my tee time? I also see here that you do a lot of volunteer work in the community. Tell me about that.

Joe: Yeah, I just really love to help people, you know.

Interviewer: Oh no. Please. No. Is this what hell feels like? Is Satan just going to make me work in the cliché factory?

Joe: I just like to give back. I think that my experience working for those organizations really helps me to understand the needs of customers.

Interviewer: Oh here we go. Really? Sounds like you just played basketball with middle schoolers.

Joe: Yeah, that was a good answer. Nailed it. Unless he knows I just played Bball with kids.

Interviewer: So tell me your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.
Oh yeah... Awesome question. Silver bullet.

Joe: Um . . . Yeah, well... my greatest strength would be my ability to accomplish anything I'm asked to do.
Phew. Good thing I practiced that after I did research on google. My greatest strength is probably my absolute domination on Call of Duty, or my ability to memorize useless information.

Interviewer: No, no, no, no, no. I'm in hell again.

Joe: And my greatest weaknesses are that I just work too hard... and um... I care too much... Really, I've just been trying to work on being great in a position like this one.
That's a stupid question, so he gets a stupid answer. I don't have a lot of weaknesses.. I mean, I gossip, scheme, procrastinate, and complain constantly... but who doesn't, right?

Interviewer: That was a stupid answer. What does that even mean? Yeah, I care too much... I almost died from caring. I'm practically a friggin care bear.

So, do you have any questions about our company?

Joe: Questions? I just want to get paid man. I don't really care about your company. I really just want to know if I can get away with watching youtube and working on my fantasy football league.

Uh, yeah.. well, I noticed that you went to KU. I love the Jayhawks. Rock hawk! You know, haha. What do you think it is about KU that makes grads like you so qualified for these jobs?
I'm totally getting a callback.

Interviewer. I wonder what he'd do if I just called him a dumb #%#. Yeah.. It's Rock Chalk you Dumb... dumb.. dumb.. person.

Well, it's a great school.

This guy isn't getting a call back, I'll tell you that much.

Joe: How about that basketball team. Did you see what they did to Pitt State? We are going to kill Missouri and K-state this year. Another national championship is going to be so sweet this year.
I hope he doesn't find out I'm a North Carolina fan.

Interviewer: Oh I know right? I had courtside seats to the game. It was great. A ton of talent.

Joe: Really? That's so awesome. I had to wait in line for hours to get tickets last year. There's nothing better than KU basketball in the Field House.

Interviewer: You've got that right Joe.

Maybe I had this all wrong. Nobody here watches basketball. This guy could totally liven the place up. Interviews don't mean that much anyway do they? Yeah. This guy is a winner... Rock Chalk.

Interviewer: Thanks Joe. It looks like time is up. I'll let you know about the position in the next few days.
All of these people are horrible, but at least I'd have something to talk to with this guy.

Joe: Thanks a lot for the opportunity.
I'm going to get my hands on those courtside seats within a year. Heck yeah.

Large Lardo and the Costco Belly Flop

I've been asked by a couple of people to explain the story of the Large Costco Customer in more detail, so here goes.

Please bear with me as I spend a little more time on the story than I really need to.

Let's start at the beginning (ish).

I met Natalie on a blind date and quickly fell in love with her. After a few weeks of dating, she felt I was ready to be introduced to her family, the Barneys. Now the Barney's are a magical people. I could write an entire blog post on how amazing that family is, but I will save that for another time. Suffice it to say, one of the most incredible groups of people ever assembled was willing to let me join their family. (What were they thinking? I guess I'm just lucky) Ever since then, the Barney family has been incredibly generous. Natalie's Mother and Father bought us a bed as a wedding present. They ordered a very nice bed for us, and had it waiting for us at Costco in Saint George, UT.

It's important to note that, in my wifes eyes, this bed represented more than just a piece of furniture. This bed was a symbol of our a new home and a representation of the new life we were about to start. At this point Natalie and I weren't married yet, but she had already moved into our new apartment while I was still living with my roommate. At the time I was sleeping on a 25 dollar mattress I bought at a yard sale. Despite the oldie's stain-free status, I was pretty excited about the new mattress.

So we set off to Costco (aka Adventureland theme park). Even when we aren't picking up our Serta symbol of unity, going to Costco is an event. Costco is such a big deal that I think I'll start calling it THE Costco. We walked in, and after the long and winding road through The Costco's level-5 security we picked up our bed without a hitch. I was planning on just taking a couple trips and carrying the bed and box springs out to the truck we borrowed, but The Costco provided us with one of those ten-ton-capacity, fill-up-your-suburban orange flat bed carts. Seriously, you could hit one of those carts with a tank and it would still be in good enough shape to move your TV out into the parking lot.

We plopped our bed down onto the cart and started to wheel it squeakily out the door. The mattress was on top of the box o' springs, which hung about a foot off the end of the cart. We had had just made it past the receipt checker (Bouncer) when all of the sudden a massive, fat, sweaty, forty-something Large Lardo dashed out from behind one of the concrete pillars, leapt in the air, stretched to spread eagle, and belly flopped on the symbol of our new life.

I was completely stunned as I watched this red faced king kong slowly roll off my mattress, causing one side to shoot up in the air and dump him onto the sidewalk. I just looked around, dumbfounded... where was the hidden camera? Was Ashton Kutcher or Johnny "Jack A--" Knoxville going to pop out of a bush somewhere? And then the decision hit me: what was I going to do? Well I wasn't going to attack this man. It's true, he barely had the arm strength to pick his mass off the ground, but his eyes, neck, and private parts were well protected by layers of gelatinous bio-armor. Or I could verbally abuse the man, but I doubted the effectiveness of this method, seeing as he'd probably been verbally abused by EVERYONE his entire life... why else would he be leaping onto serta sleepers in the middle of the day. So I hid my ego and with one hand on the cart, and the other 'round my wifes waist, I walked to the truck. I was too confused to know what was going on, but my wife recommended that we check our new equipment for damage. This mattress is incredibly well made, but unfortunately it would have required NASA grade titanium to survive a blow like that, and the one foot hang-off of the cart didn't help either.

My wife wasn't going home. She was indignant. The blob just tried to obliterate our love symbol. This is a Woman who won't even honk the car horn when she gets cut off, and she was ready to put this guy on a spit and roast him over a fire pit (The Costco probably had one)

My wife is of angelic beauty. She's got the kind of face that causes men to forget their own names. And even though she doesn't realize she has such a weapon, she often uses it unintentionally.

She stomped back toward costco as I chased after her with our broken bed, and as we passed Large Lardo, still catching his breath, she just gave him a heartbroken look, and I could tell he was done. He would have done anything to make it up to her. I wanted to say some zinger like "did you think you saw a donut?" or "I didn't know they fed people that much in mental hospitals" but all that came out was "Dude... you broke our bed".

We went right through the "Out" doors without protest from the bouncers and up to the service desk. The service rep was a woman, but even she realized that something as gorgeous as my wife should get whatever she wants.

The Costco employees all seemed to get a pretty big kick out of our story, and they all tried to hold back the laughter when they saw Fatty Fatty two-by-four walk through the Costco door to apologize.

We walked back out into the beautiful fall weather with a new bed on our cart. I made like Jack Bauer and stood ready to protect my cargo at any cost. I knew it was wrong, but I wished harm upon Large Lardo... I wanted some sort of revenge above and beyond the ear lowering guilt trip my wife had dealt him. And then I saw his embarrassed and terribly angry wife in their reinforced SUV... She was going to make him pay in more ways than I ever could.

I'll never forget that day, and I'm sure his wife won't let him ever forget it either.

The End.

Baseball, Pavlov, and his dog.

I've been watching Yale Psychology lectures on academicearth.org. Yes, sometimes I don't study when I should . . . and what do I do? Watch university lectures. Awesome.

Anyway, I've been learning about conditioned and unconditioned responses and stimuli.

Mr. Pavlov was studying saliva. He'd give a dog food to get it to salivate, and then for some reason a bell started ringing every time he fed the dog, and then pretty soon the dog would salivate when the bell rang, even when it didn't get food.

Conditioned Stimuli: Food

Conditioned Response: Saliva

Unconditioned Stimuli: Bell

Unconditioned Response: Saliva.

This works for all sorts of things. On The Office, for example, Jim offers Dwight an altoid every time the phone rings (or something like that) and then one time the phone rings and dwight automatically puts his hand out. Jim says "what?" and Dwight just looks at his hand in confusion. Even though the general condition wasn't being met (getting an altoid) Dwight was putting his hand out because he associated the phone ringing with the altoid.

This is where Baseball comes in.

I think it's important for you to know that I love baseball. I love it like an overworked Dad loves his kids. I may not have a lot of time for it, but I'd fight and die for it.

I told my wife today that I don't have a problem with people not liking baseball, I just have a problem when they feel the need to tell me that they don't like baseball. It's probably better if they just keep that to themselves.

Baseball fans love to manipulate people. Baseball fans are snobby... we all like to pretend that the reason people don't like baseball is because they aren't as smart and patient as us. Baseball is a thinking man's game. Yeah, and Manny Ramirez is teaching physics at MIT. We realize that learning baseball takes time and practice rather than intelligence, but we like to make it seem like the only way for a non-fan to be a non-fan is if they are stupid. So if you disagree with us, you are automatically stupid. Awesome.

Anyway, I can't really explain my love for baseball, or sports in general for that matter. I love competition and greatness. I love the green grass and the cracking sound a bat makes when it comes in contact with the ball. I love hot dogs and "take me out to the ballgame." I love the time I spent playing catch with my father and trying to make him proud. I loved hitting the game winning double to beat my team's arch rival. I loved sitting in the basement with Dad, no girls allowed, watching the Braves finally win the world series and listening to my Dad say how stupid Tim McCarver is.

Wait... so what do I love about baseball? Look at that last paragraph. How many of those things are actually baseball, and how many are just things I associate with baseball?

Victory, greatness, sounds, smells, tastes, relationships, family, pride, laughter... I can have all of those things without baseball.

Would anyone watch baseball, if their whole life they had to watch it completely alone, and nobody kept score? Would people watch football if it was just two groups of people chasing each other around all day?

You've heard people say things like "Dude, it ain't baseball if you don't have a hot dog" "March Madness is why College Basketball is better than the NBA"

Any one disagree? What about you BYU football fans out there? Would you rather watch Kansas State beat Iowa State 31-28 in overtime, or watch BYU beat Utah 31-28 in overtime? If you truly only loved football the game, then you wouldn't have a preference. But it's more than a game... it's thousands and thousands of pavlovs bells ringing sweet music to your ears

Some people, many of them wives, mothers, or sisters, may not understand. But it's the same reason why some women don't get why manly men love action movies (because deep down we want to be a hero) and why some Women love romantic comedies (because they want to be swept of their feet)

So why do I love baseball? Because even if I'm alone on my couch, with no food, or grass, or "take me out to the ballgame". . . over a hundred years of tradition and sportsmanship surround me every time I watch a game. I can still feel it. I still have the unconditioned response of happiness. My Dad is there with me playing catch, my friends and teammates are screaming with joy because I hit the game winner.

"but it's just a guy with a stick trying to hit a ball." No, my friend it's much much more... I'm afraid you just don't get it.

What the guidance counselor didn't tell me

Did you ever go to a guidance counselor in highschool? Maybe in college? Usually they were called advisors in my college because they were there to advise about your future rather than counsel you to fix what happened in your past. They were there to make sure you were on the right track (or some other kind of track) to your dreams (or at least getting a paper that says you graduated).

I know one thing for sure: getting a bachelors in business administration from Dixie got me to KU law school . . . other than that, it was basically a waste of time. Yeah, I spent 120 credit hours in classes getting a degree, but it should be called a business recipe rather than a degree. I had a pinch of accounting, a dash of economics, a dollop of statistics and finance, one-half cup of management, and a pint of marketing. Everything else I know about finance and business came from 5 years of working with small business owners. Did my degree help me be a better employee? Maybe. But it wasn't because I learned about business, it was because I learned how to deal with people, particularly snotty people, and I was required (well, sort of) to practice reading, writing, and understanding.

It kind of hurts my ego, or my feelings, to think about how I got duped in to doing a general business degree. Law school doesn't require any prerequisites. I could actually have done something useful. Accounting, web design, database engineering, photography, auto mechanics, electrical engineering, or even music. Yeah, I could have majored in guitar performance (I don't play the guitar at all) and still have gotten into law school. At least I'd be able to play cool songs for my wife and kids. It's not like I can tell my kids bed-time stories about marketing. (I could if I wanted to be lame).

Now now, fellow business majors, I get that business has its uses. The subject is important . . . I'm just saying that my degree was worthless, but the diploma wasn't.

So what should anyone do about it? Well this is what counselors should tell freshmen:

"Hi. I don't know anything. All I can really do is guess about what you should do. Maybe you're cut out for something, maybe your not. Maybe you'd be good at something but you'd hate it. I can tell you what degree would be the easiest, and I can tell you which degree holders make the most money. But I can't tell you whether or not that has anything to do with the degree, or if its more to do with the students who choose that degree. If you don't know what you want to do, then, at this point, you should probably just take classes that you think you can get A grades in. And maybe you should try to take classes where you might have some desire to do the reading. Oh, and heres a checklist of classes we make everyone take. We know you won't retain the information, but it's important to keep up appearances. Feel free to come in any time, but just remember, we make everything up."

Accelerating Generation Gap

I've been reading about the generation gap between baby boomers and Gen-Xers. I guess these two groups have had trouble playing nice in the workplace, because the boomers feel like the Gen-Xers are lazy and have inflated senses of entitlement. I imagine you could trace this story back through thousands of generations of time. One generation thinks they worked harder when they were young than they actually did, and so they expect the next generation to work equally as hard as the previous one did. You could make a strong argument that my grandfathers outworked me.

My paternal grandfather was a WWII veteran and a rail road worker. My maternal grandfather ran a large family farm. Those are hard jobs, and I'm basically a sissy compared to them. But what do you want me to do? Should I drop out of school and go work on a farm? I doubt my grandfather would give me that advice. He worked so very hard in one way, so that I could work very hard in another way.

This generation gap seems to be hitting attorneys pretty hard now. You have the guys who are now partners, who had to put in 70-80 hour work weeks for the first decade of their careers, and now they expect the new associates to do that. I doubt this is based on any rational criteria, but more on entitlement or greed. "If you have time, it should be spent here. That's what I did, so that's what you should do." What if you could use technology to be more efficient? What if a new associate can accomplish twice as much per hour as an associate 20 years ago (probably not, but just humor me) Do you think the firm would just say, "Great job, go home and relax!" It's not likely, because firms have a history of doing this, and these kids shouldn't get away with being lazy just because they work smart. Time is money.

This Generation Gap seems to run along a curve, rather than a straight progression. As technology increases, advances in technology happen more often. Eventually this has to end based on simple economics: if new stuff came out every day, nobody would ever buy anything.

However, the speed of advances is still increasing, and so the gaps between generations are getting wider.

This phenomenon is being offset by having more savvy old people :) Generation Xers (people born after the baby boom, but before 1981) are showing more resilience than the previous generation. Xers are trying to keep up with changing technology, and they are doing it better than their parents.

Nevertheless, I doubt they'll be able to keep up with their kids. The difference between my childhood and my parents childhood will be FAR smaller than the difference between my childhood and my kids' childhood.

Think about a family with parents in their 40s. They probably have a kid or two who is begging for a smart phone or some gaming system. Personally, I think it's absurd for anyone who can't drive or work to have exclusive access to a cell phone.. But is that because I didn't have access to a cell phone until I was an adult? Maybe so... but cell phones have changed drastically. Now you aren't only giving your child full access to a phone, but to an instant messaging system, a camera, a video camera, a video game player, a music player, and a fully functioning internet browser. What!? Why do my kids need to be able to text message all their friends, play tony hawk, listen to Chris Brown, and look up definitions to all the dirty words they hear--ALL on the bus ride home? This isn't the future I saw in back to the future II. I'm okay with my kids riding hover-boards. We are giving the most curious generation of all time unlimited access to insane amounts of information (some accurate and some not-so-accurate).

Next, we face the challenge of privacy. My parents used to have a phone in the basement, and the phone had a cord long enough to reach under the stairs. My sisters would go under the stairs for privacy to talk about silly things with their best friends. What kind of trouble could they have gotten into? It used to be that if your kids were home, they'd probably be okay unless they were hiding drugs under their bed. Now your kid could be reading mein kampf, or watching Nip Tuck at the dinner table. (Sorry FX fans, I don't mean to say Nip Tuck is as bad as mein kampf... not quite anyway :)

This new technology is also much different than the tech from 5 years ago. Now, due to internet access, these devices are constantly being updated. So it is very possible, that my children will obtain new technology, technology that I have never even heard of, on a daily basis. I can just imagine when hulu comes to the iphone... and parents will be like "You can watch any R rated movie you want? What do you mean you only have to check an "i'm 18" box???" Awesome... let's watch boondog saints or wedding crashers during recess.

Finally, we are getting to the point where we will be able to maintain a certain standard of living with less work. Old timers will reject the shorter work week out of precedent, young people will reject it out of greed. And what's left? Instead of taking advantage of our new efficiency by spending more time with our families and friends, we'll just cram in more work making more new technologies that will make us work even more per hour in the future.

So I will advocate for working more from home by using my technological devices. It will be possible for me to be a little league coach because I can do work from my phone if anything comes up during practice.

And the baby boomers and gen xers will probably call me lazy... I'm cool with that. I'll just pay it forward.

Ignorant Man Ponders Global Warming

I am smack dab in the middle of a massive writing project and I've hit a bit of a wall. Oddly enough, the best way for to get going again is to write a blog post or an email about nothing in particular. The lack of rigid rules and intense subject matter helps me clear my mind.

I usually blog about things I know something about like basic economics, or random life experiences. Today I want to write about something I know almost nothing about. I need your help to find good information about this subject, because I'd really like to know more about the answer. But I want to write about some of the problems i have with the whole issue.

First, lets review some of the Global Warming Highlights:

1: There's some sort of correlation between CO2 and temperature.

2: If temperatures change dramatically, local climates will change causing the established industries several problems. (i.e., Rapid global cooling might hurt orange farmers in Florida, while rapid warming would probably screw up Idaho farmers, but that's just my assumption)

3: If the ice caps melt something bad would happen. There doesn't seem to be a consensus about how much oceans would rise, but coastal areas and low elevation places like Miami, Hong Kong, and the Netherlands would have all sorts of problems and might be uninhabitable.

3.1: Also, Al Gore says that if the ice caps melt the earth would reflect less heat back into space, (less ice = less white reflectivity) so earth would get hotter faster.

4: Some commentators and celebrities say that our future is in serious jeopardy.

5: Other commentators say Global Warming is a hoax.

6: Global warming scares these people

I'm seriously confused. I can't find any really good article that lays down both sides of the argument. I've heard that CO2 causes temperatures to rise, I've heard rising temperature causes Co2 to rise. I've heard there is a scientific consensus about warming, I've heard that hundreds, maybe thousands of notable scientists don't think the verdict is in.

MY PROBLEM WITH THE GLOBAL WARMING DENIERS

On the one hand, I don't think you should just blindly believe Glenn, Rush, Sean or Mr. Savage when they say Global Warming is a hoax. I get it guys, the planet has cooled over the last 10 years. I also get that the Global Warming believers changed the name to global climate change when the cooling started.

These people, typically more conservative folks, are quick to point out that many scientists argue one of two things: 1) That the Globe may be warming or cooling, but Man isn't the cause. 2) That even if man were contributing to global warming, the contribution isn't significant enough for us to really reverse anything, and that our efforts won't have an environmental impact but may have other large costs.

Okay Gentlemen, go ahead and tell everyone that the debate isn't over, but you are seriously calling it a hoax? It seems like there are plenty of reputable scientists out there who say Global Climate Change is caused by man, and we should try to reverse it.

MY PROBLEMS WITH THE GLOBAL WARMING CLAIMANTS

1: So is the debate over? Is there a scientific consensus? Why would you claim that when there are opposing scientists? A vigorous debate brings attention to the issue. If you think you have such a strong case, have a national debate about it and get people involved. If the facts are on your side, people will follow you. Instead, you argue that the debate is over, and then nobody reads about the issue. It's kind of like Sports. If you are claiming that your team is the best and that another team has no chance, the best way to prove it is to play the other team and kick the crap out of them. Sure, you risk the chance of getting embarrassed, but if you are so confident then get on the field.

2: You really aren't accomplishing anything. Our conservation efforts are meager at best. The celebrities and all of the stupid green (which also means money) symbols on television aren't really swaying public opinion. The Global warming issue is fading a bit because of other major problems in the world and you'll never get cap and trade or kyoto passed if the public isn't behind it.

3: If you are really so scared, why can't you scare other people enough. Nobody seems to be moving off the coast because of global warming. The president doesn't even seem to be completely convinced about the urgency of climate change. Seriously, this is end of the world type stuff that some of you are claiming. If there was a known and impending nuclear threat, we'd be going all Jack Bauer on its eh ess ess.

4: Your strategies are stupid. Are you more concerned with saving the planet or being "right". You want to battle this? You should do it with economics not guilt. Figure out a way to make it cheaper to be "green" and you will make huge strides. Instead you try to get policies passed to increase the cost of being not-green. And if you can't make green products cheap, make them really awesome. Have Steve Jobs teach you how to design and market your products.

5: Some of your solutions seem to be dirty. Is it true that hybrid batteries are depleting natural resources and causing terrible disposal problems? Is it true that the "green" lightbulbs are toxic and cause pollution at disposal? Is it true that ethanol actually doesn't end up conserving energy and causes food shortages and higher food prices?

Anyway, I really want to know more about this. I would do anything for my baby, and if we're completely screwing over the future climate that she will live in (like we are economically) then I am happy to get involved. But it seems like there is a lack of good information out there.. all I can find is "Of course global warming is real, go live in a tent" :)

Anyone have any good sources for me to read?

The ridiculously high cost of college education

Disclaimer:

The statistical analysis I provide here is pretty rough. I understand that there are many different factors that I simply didn't take the time to consider. However, the numbers are correct, and I believe the information raises some interesting questions and concerns.

Methodology:

I am comparing the expenditures of several different Colleges and Universities. I'm not analyzing tuition costs, but the overall economic cost of these institutions. I gathered all of my information from the 2007 and 2008 annual reports for these institutions. I did not include any expenses for university hospitals, research, athletic programs, or student unions.

The Data:

Total Yearly Education Expenditures:

University of Utah: $1.256 BILLION

University of Kansas: $877 Million

Utah State University: $442 million

Utah Valley University: $167 Million

Southern Utah University: 85 Million

Dixie State College: 47 Million

Yearly Expenditures Per Student:

University of Utah: $43,928; For Instruction: $9,262 (% of Total: 21%)

University of Kansas: $29,161; For Instruction: $9,680 (33%)

Utah State Univ: $18,101; For Instruction: $4,715 (26%)

Southern Utah: $12,216; For Instruction: $3,367 (28%)

Dixie State: $10,831; For Instruction: $2,237 (21%)

Utah Valley: $6,684; For Instruction: $2,511 (38%)

State Funding Per Student:

Utah: $9,430

Kansas: $9,069

Utah State: $5,932

Southern Utah: $4,374

Dixie State: $3,038

Utah Valley: $2,023

Analysis:

First of all, it's really hard to determine the quality of an education. So many factors go into the evaluation: salary at graduation, overall learning experience, level of happiness, finding a career that matches your goals/personality, etc.

I went to Dixie State college, and I'm here to tell you that it wasn't a great education, but it got me into a good Law School, and I had a good job before that. I can't say how the education compares to the University of Utah, but I doubt the U of U is 4 times better than Dixie (UofU spends 4 times as much money per student)

Also, I recognize that the big universities have more graduate programs and that they cost a lot of money, but I have removed a lot of the graduate related expenses (i.e., research costs, medical clinic costs)(I removed 800 million in expenses at the UofU and still included grad students in the per student equation, double bonus for utah), and I have the numbers for several large Universities.

Next, I want to briefly talk about the law of diminishing returns. I'm no economics expert, but I have a basic understanding of this "law". Picture a house full of furniture that needs to be moved across the street. If one man was moving alone, it would take him a very long time, say 20 hours. If two men were working, it would be more than twice as fast, or something like 7 hours. If four were working, it might only take 2 hours. If 20 men were working it would take 30 minutes or so. Somewhere along the line, the "returns" would start to diminish. IF you had 200 men, it's unlikely that they could move the stuff 10 times faster than the 20 men. There's no way 200 men could move the stuff in 2 minutes. There simply aren't enough doors, and you just don't need that many people. Men would be standing around, and the efficiency per person would go down.

This principle applies to schools as well. At some point, a university would get too big for it's britches, and would be less efficient per employee. (And less efficient per student). So two universities with 20,000 students might actually be more efficient than one university with 40,000 students. However, I'm fairly certain that a school like Dixie State, with around 5,000 students, could get more use out of its facilities and its teachers if it had more students.

My point is, there's no way that Dixie State should be more efficient than all the bigger schools. However, it is possible that UofUtah could actually get cheaper per student if they cut back a little.

NOW, if you're actually reading this, you'll see my argument.

I'm suggesting that Universities should be able to run on the same expenses per student (or less) as Dixie State College. Also, you may have noticed above that Utah Valley kicks everyones butt in this category, but I know nothing about the level of education at UVU, and so I won't be using it as an example. Even though they must be doing something right.

So let's finally get to it. Dixie State spends about 10,000 bucks per student per year. The revenue for these expenses comes in through Tuition, State Funding, and Donations/grants.

After the State pays up, Dixie has to raise around 7,000 per student in tuition and donations.

Here's how the other Universities Stack up:

Utah: They have to raise $34,498 per student after the state pays

Kansas: $20,092

Utah State: $12,168

Southern Utah: $7,842

Dixie: $7,171

Utah Valley: $4,660

Now, if all the schools were as efficient as Dixie (10,000 per student) Here's how much they'd have to raise in tuition and donations after the state pays up (per student)

Dixie: $7,171

Southern Utah: $6,456.95

Utah State: $4,899

Kansas: $1,762

Utah: $1401.34

So basically, the University of Utah gets enough money from the State to offer a free 4 year education to all 25,000 of it's undergrad students. The rest could easily be raised in donations (U of U raised nearly 3000 per student in gifts)

I can just feel some of you out there saying, "come on John, Utah is 5 times more expensive per student because it's way bigger and way better."

But this doesn't really happen in the business world. Huge walmarts are not usually more expensive per customer than small Walmarts. Large Airplanes are not more expensive per passenger than small airplanes.

As far as I can tell, Universities get so gluttonous, not because it's more efficient, but just because they can get away with it.

In conclusion:

I know that the "better" professors teach at the "better" schools, but the professors at Dixie were excellent. They all had practical real-world experience and they worked directly with all of us (as opposed to a grad student TA) Students all over the country are going into crazy high amounts of debt in order to get degrees from these ridiculously expensive schools. And who is at fault? Employers. Employers are under the strange impression that it's better to hire someone from a more prestigious school, and so students try to go to these schools so they have a better chance to get a good job. These schools can rake you over the coals because they know that they are the doorway to the career you want.

It's time for all of this to change. It's time for schools to learn to get more efficient as they grow larger, and it's time for them to start spending more than 21% of their expenditures on Instruction (I'm talking to you Utah.)

Costco: I hate loving you, but I just can't quit you.

I have a vicious hate-to-love relationship with Costco. Costco holds a special place in my heart. Its chocolate muffins held my hand through 2 years of chinese food; it's food court provided an arena for me to court my wife during lunch for only 5 dollars total (don't knock it--it worked); it also allowed me to buy the best jacket I have ever worn (for only 20 bucks); finally, costco sells really really cheap diapers (huggies knock offs)

How could I betray a friend like that? How could I speak ill of such a positive influence in my life?

Because Costco is an unhealthy addiction.

I love the Costco (Kirkland) muffins. I really really love them. They are heavy, and the chocolate chips melt in the microwave to create a molten river of pure joy. BUT... I have to buy 12. They tried to trick me by splitting the packages up into two six-muffin love-trays. But you have to buy both.... which allows you to "mix and match". This is Costco's idea of accommodation. It's like a husband who sees his wife struggling to clean up the kitchen, so he offers to pause the game on DVR and unload the silverware from the dishwasher.

But dearest Costco, I don't want 12 muffins... I want 4 muffins. I know many of you out there may say that I should just freeze the muffins and eat them over a long period of time, (or, if you are my Mother, you just say I will die of heart disease if I don't stop eating them... I love you Mom) I have a serious freezer problem. My backpack could fit more food than my freezer. The ice trays take up 1/5th of the space. But I freeze them anyway, because I am forced to enable costco to hurt me. I am the wife of an abusive spouse.... Costco, the wife beater. I go ahead and freeze the muffins and smash them in there somewhere. If you grab a bag of frozen chinese food, it's likely that a muffin will fall on your toe and severely injure you. (Yes they are that heavy... yum)

I also love Costco hot dogs. A huge foot-long hot dog and a drink for $1.50. Are you kidding me?

They even ambiguously offer you more with the "with refill" sign. They know that most people will refill more than once, but this is how the Wife Beater works... it captures you with guilt. You are a bad person for doing what everyone else lets you do!!! Even worse is the fact that the food court is the only reason I carry cash. You see, Costco couldn't get along with Visa, so they struck a sweetheart deal with their concubine American Express. So if I want to buy a hot dog, I either have to have cash, a costco cash card, or I can go wait in line at the regular checkout and put a hot dog on my debit card. Please Costco, just put a debit card machine at your food court... or you could just continue to abuse me.

Of course this doesn't stop me from shopping there. I even pay just to go inside. I have to show that artificially happy old lady my costco card just to get inside to see where the magic happens. ANd then, after I flash my "please-beat-me" Costco card, I get to walk in to the circus. 70 inch Tv's, amazing deals on everything. But then I read reports about how loyal price-club shoppers don't even save money in the long run. But I don't care.. I'm the exception.. that could never happen to me... Costco Loves me... it's my fault it hurts me. So I've already paid my 50 dollar membership fee, but at least I get to spend 50 bucks on twice as much printer ink as I need. Or I can buy a 50 lb bag of wonderful rice (weevil farm) And then I can go through the ridiculous check out lines, where they are so nice that they have signs that say "leave heavy items in cart"... oh Costco, you do love me! I only have to do most of the work... And then afterward, I get to wait in line again, behind all of costco's other lovers, so that the next artificially happy old man can "check my receipt to make sure I got everything". Riiiight. But it's okay, Costco doesn't have to trust me... because I trust Costco. In Costco I trust. I wouldn't dare refuse the cart check. One person told Costco that they couldn't check through the items in his cart. They allowed him to pass (who wouldn't want to be held prisoner in a costco!) but they cancelled his membership and told him to never come back.

Sometimes I have nightmares about that happening to me.. I'd rather be abused that be alone and forced to resort to Walmart.

Everytime I get the courage to end our relationship, Costco sweet talks me back. One time I was pushing our new mattress and box springs out on the long orange cart (more like Santa's Sleigh!) and I was almost to the parking lot when a giant bearded man (not Santa) dove onto the mattress. Large Lardo managed to snap the middle board in the box springs. (I guess he has to have reinforced mattresses, even if he sleeps alone) I walked back into Costco with my wife (Costco beats her too) and I expected them to tell me how stupid I was for walking passed the fat man in the first place.. but No, costco welcomed me with open arms and gave me a new mattress. Because Costco loves me.... even if it beats me. It can change... One day, it will change.

Tipping is not a city in China!

Nope, it's not... but Tai Ping is.

Anyway, I had a mini discussion about tipping with a friend and her cohorts on facebook the other day. Before I get into it, I just want to say that I have good manners. I recognize social norms, and I try to include them in my life. I hold elevators for people; I cover my mouth when I cough or sneeze (sometimes I even put my face inside my shirt); I usually let others go through a door before I do if we get there at the same time (Dwight: I never let anyone walk behind me, 70 percent of all attacks come from behind.) But this tipping thing is out of control. I mean, I do tip... But it's out of guilt or some weird responsibility.

So why do you tip?

Based on performance? No you don't, otherwise there wouldn't be any relationship between the bill and the tip (i.e., 20% tip) If you go to super cuts and pay 15 bucks for a haircut instead of going to a boutique and paying 50, and the $15 haircut ends up being just as good, will you tip 20% of 15 or 20% of 50? If both stylists do an equal job, the tip should be the same if it's based on performance--the same dollar amount, not the same percentage.

Also, if you tip because of performance then you have to give a $0 tip when the service is bad; you don't have to, but you should. Think about it for a second: if a waiter totally sucks at his job, should you be encouraging him to stay in the field? But do you have the guts to stiff him?

Do you tip based on need? "Oh those poor stylists who have to slave all day cutting hair, they deserve to get paid more than the salon pays them!!!" So that's my fault? The salon rips them off and somehow I have to make up for it? Why don't I just pay the normal rate, and then give my tip to charity.

Do you tip based on guilt or good manners?

This is why I tip. I feel bad if I don't... I don't want the waiters to feel like I'm a jerk.

The next question is how much do you tip?

I'm a 15% tipper. You can call me cheap, but I'm just poor. If I have to really tip more than 15% then I'll just stop going to restaurants where tipping is "suggested". Honestly, if my wife and I go my favorite sit down mexican place (Pancho and Lefty's) we end up paying about 18 bucks for the entrees, with my 15% tip I get out the door paying around 21 dollars (I pay on price before tax suckas). If we go to Cafe Rio we pay around 15. So that's a $6 premium for sitting down and having someone bring me my food. That in itself is insane, but whatever. Every cent more that I have to pay in tip just makes me want to abandon my lovely Pancho.

Now the economics of the situation.

What would happen if everyone stopped tipping? Let's go through it chronoligically.

First, waiters would be pissed. And they would gripe or quit or whatever. Nobody would be a waiter for 3 bucks an hour.

Second, restaurants would have to pay more money for waiters or else switch to an assembly line style (e.g., Cafe Rio, Chipotle, etc.)

Third, either prices would go up, or services would go down.

Prices might go up because the restaurants would have to compensate for the higher wages, and basically your tip would be injected into the price. If tips are a standard percentage, and not based on any real measurement of performance, then it's the same difference.

Service might go down because you may have to go get your own food and bring it to your table (OH NO) Or, what I think is the most likely outcome, prices would go up a bit, but servers would just make less money.

But how much are servers worth? My old friend that worked at red lobster would flirt her way to around 20-25 bucks an hour. Another friend at an Italian restaurant could handle 4 tables an hour, and make 20 dollars with ease. Are servers really worth that? Now I'm not talking about some theoretical "worth", I'm talking about the market price. Would there be enough servers if the base wage was set at $11/hr (the wage of a good grocery checker)?? I think there would be in this job market.

My point is that tipping kind of screws up supply and demand for workers. It's kind of like commission. The fact that there is a potential for 20-25 dollars per hour means that a lot of really talented people go out there and get server jobs. (And some don't make that much money) . And because there is this huge surplus of supply (waiters) the demanders (owners) can actually reduce the price they pay. As a result, we have waiters making 3 dollars an hour. Legislatures even recognize this strange relationship, and exempt these service jobs from the minimum wage.

The owners have totally duped you.

They get to

1) Charge you a premium for the experience (sit down costs more than assembly line)

2) Make you pay the labor costs (with tipping) in addition to the bill.

I know what some of you are thinking "But John, the waiters wouldn't be as good and we would lose out on the fun of going to a restaurant and being dazzled by service." I don't really think that's true. Pricey places would still have great waiters, and most places could still get great waiters for 11 or 12 dollars an hour. Do you tip teachers, mailmen, bank tellers, loan officers, mechanics, doctors, nurses, police officers, plumbers, or grocery store clerks? And do they all just completely suck?

Waiters are totally overpaid. I know, it's hard to remember all that stuff and deal with all the crap, but people would still work as waiters for less money. If not, then restaurants would just have to pay more, and so would we... but right now waiters are paid artificially high amounts because we are all guilted into paying them tips.

One final point.. why is a tip based on a percentage of the meal? Why do I pay a higher tip if the waitress fills up my soft drink rather than a water? Why do I pay more if they put a plate with a steak on my table instead of a plate of salad? It's really rather silly.

In Defense of Capitalism

The political blabber on TV is really starting to drive me crazy. The two party system is supposed to work like a rope bridge over a canyon: both sides are tight and pull really hard and that brings everyone else up (like the middle of the bridge) Most people in the United States fall somewhere in the middle, but people tend to define themselves and others based on their stances on a few hot button issues.

For example, if you support late-term abortion, your pretty much considered far left even if you are right leaning on everything else. Or if you are completely against homosexuality and gay marriage, you are, more-often-than-not, considered a right winger.

Our differences and the two wings are supposed to bring everyone higher, not create a deeper chasm.

Right now, capitalism is a hot topic in the political sphere. But capitalism is about economics, not politics. It is an economic theory, or system, or whatever, that operates on a set of loose rules: if more people want iPods than Apple can make, the prices go up; if consumers are knowledgeable then a merchant who sells crappy goods won't last very long... etc.

It drives me crazy to hear about how capitalism is evil, or that the poverty in this country is due to "the free market." Capitalism isn't a faith, or a lifestyle, or a person--it's a description of how a system works. Capitalism isn't bad; greed and selfishness are bad. And for some reason, people who support some sort of hybrid socialistic capitalism think that greed and selfishness will go away if we have enough regulation. Does that really make any sense to anyone? Greed and selfishness only go away if people learn to be kind and loving, and if everyone in the world was kind and loving, it really wouldn't matter what economic system a country used.

Okay, I'll admit it: capitalism doesn't make everyone rich. I'll also admit that "poor" has to exist in order for "rich" to exist. Honestly, "rich" is always defined in relation to something else. And what we consider to be poor now would have been a luxurious lifestyle a few centuries ago. Capitalists generally understand that results aren't going to be even... but capitalists also understand most people would give up guaranteed mediocrity in exchange for nearly endless opportunity. And so we enter the classic debate of free markets vs. government.

Those who oppose freedo... ah hem...I mean, free markets, are quick to point out the underprivileged people who are left behind. The rich have better schools and better health care. Millions of Americans are uninsured, and millions more lost half of their retirement because of the free market. "If we just provide proper regulation and more government support, millions of Americans will have better lives." Well I think that's fantastic. I think everyone should have health care and everyone should have a great education. We can argue all day over whether the government or consumers would do a better job of deciding where money should go, but that's really not the point. The true issue concerns the future status of all of the amazing things the markets and capitalism have done. Almost every modern convenience you have in your lives was brought about by competing companies fighting for dollars. Universities in this country are generally regarded as the best in this world, and that is largely due to the fact that they have to compete for prestige and the best students. We need to address the 10% of the economy that isn't working very well, but we cannot do it at the expense of the other 90%.

Now, this isn't an argument against redistribution of wealth (we'll save that for later). This is an argument against the government getting in the way of freedom, innovation, and creativity. Every dollar the government spends is one dollar that someone else doesn't get to decide how to spend.

Lets examine the big bad wal-mart for a minute. First I want to compare walmart to the federal government.

Number of civilian employees--Federal Government: 1.8 million; Walmart 1.4 (approx)

Total Revenue--Federal Government about 2.5 trillion; Walmart: about 400 billion (Paid 7 billion in taxes)

Total Long Term Debt-- Federal Government: Approaching 12 trillion; Walmart: 32 billion.

Debt as a percentage of total revenue-- Federal Government: 480%; Walmart: 8%

So yeah... it's obvious that Walmart is the one stealing all of our money.

But really, even with the loosest lending of 2005 walmart could never have gotten away with the kind of debt that the federal government swims in. Walmart could pay off all of their debt in a year and a half with PROFIT only. The federal government doesn't have any profit.

Now I know some of you (like anyone is actually still reading) are saying that the government has a lot more to take care of... and you are right. But take another look at those numbers. Do you really think we will ever be able to pay that debt? Is that really a responsible way to run a country?

But wait... lets go back to assuming the federal government is this angelic think=tank of business superheroes for a moment. One of the problems with walmart and its domination of the free market is that it is allegedly forcing smaller stores out of business. "See what capitalism does! Pretty soon we'll only be able to shop at walmart, and soon they will raise their prices and enslave us all!" So what is the free market solution? Well, walmart dominates for a few more years and everyone shops there and everyone else goes out of business... and then walmart can get away with poor standards and greed because there isn't any competition, and then smaller stores have the opportunity to compete again. This would take a lot of time, and the damage would be done.

What's the government solution? Fine or tax?

So the government could just take money from Walmart and send it to the other stores. But would the other stores really have the incentive to improve? And even if they did, how would the government decide which stores get the money? Another question is whether that money would even make it down to the little stores, or would the debt machine eat it all first?

But there is another solution: The other stores could just figure out a way to compete. It's already happening all over the place. Grocery stores are becoming more specialized, and offering new products; many drugstores are going toe to toe with walmart and offering $4 prescriptions, and some retail chains are even willing to match walmart pricing.

The economy is just far too large for anyone to really understand completely. But capitalism is one of the freest forms of freedom. Elections only come around ever couple years, but you get to vote with your dollars every single day. If walmart has the best selection you can vote for them, if nebraska furniture mart has an innovative sale you can cast your ballot.

I understand that there are a lot more issues to discuss, and I'd be happy to talk to anyone about it. (i.e., the idea that a clean environment and growth are mutually exclusive, or that capitalism can't survive with the level of corruption in the country etc.)

Random Thoughts v2.0

A friend of mine once told me that everything he didn't understand was magic to him. Like a car engine, for example, was basically magic. "Now I'm going to turn this key, and continuous explosions will make these wheels turn at amazing speeds." Well, rechargeable batteries are magic to me... extremely frustrating magic, mind you. Electricity is amazingly powerful: it sent marty mclfy back to the future, it can petrify felines on super high power lines, and it can travel at super speeds. Nevertheless, my battery takes an hour or two to charge. I just don't understand this magic. I can fill up a gallon of water with the tap in about 30 seconds... but I can't fill up a tiny battery with electricity unless I plug it in over night? that's lowsy, I say.

I love diet drinks. I just love them. Sure, I'm probably going to get cancer from the artificial sweeteners, and my lungs are slowly turning into swiss cheese as a result of the potent carbonation of my brews... but those drinks give me pleasure. However, I am no longer a fan of regular soda. Regular soda tastes like medicine, or maple syrup. It's too sweet, and it's just trying to hard. It's like it's trying to trick me into thinking that something nasty is actually tasty (Like Cherry flavored dimetap). This strong opinion causes me problems when overqualified Arby's employees, who currently can't find a job anywhere else, give me regular Dr. Pepper instead of Diet. Therefore, I move that all diet drinks shall get new names! Apparently, the word "Diet" is not enough of a modification to the regular name. My Guiltless, zero-calorie addiction shall now be called Dr. Splenda!

I love the show "Lost". My wife and I have recently started watching it on the internet. I think it's really convenient that the island community has a good looking, confident, super strong doctor to lay down the law. (It's like he's bear grylls or something) But what if you really got stuck on an island with a doctor, but his specialty was podiatry... or better yet, proctology. I mean come on... in the rare case that you would actually need a colonoscopy on a diet of boar, berries, and bananas, I don't think bamboo medical tools would do the job very well... ouch!

We recently signed up for a free trial of Netflix, and so far we are really happy. Part of the coolness of netflix is that it lets you rate movies, and then it gives you recommendations for movies to watch. Well, it's kind of embarrassing, but I've rated 600 movies. It goes really quick, and it didn't take that long to rate them, but just think of how long I spent watching them! Good grief. That's 1200-1500 hours of movie time.. not including the time it takes to choose the movie and drive to watch it or pick it up. A 4 year college degree only takes about 1800 in-class hours. Oh, and that doesn't include the 168 hours of 24 I own, or the 300+ hours of American Idol I've enjoyed. (I've also watched all 178 episodes of star trek the next generation)

Yikes!

I'm constantly amazed by my daughter Kate. She's changing so fast and it's amazing to watch. She can't talk, walk, or feed herself, but she's already the most fascinating person I've ever met. She's a good baby, but like all babies, she does cry here and there. I was trying to comfort her the other day and a thought came to me: What if adults never got over the whole crying thing. What if everytime you were hot, cold, hungry, thirsty, bored, or tired you could just wail and wail. Most of my law school classes would never have a quiet moment. I imagine every class I've ever been to in my 18 years of education had a least one person that was hot, cold, hungry, thirsty, bored, or tired. I imagine there would be someone crying in every minute of every class. My first reaction is that nothing would ever get done... but maybe I'm being to negative. Maybe we'd live in a more accommodating world with individual thermostats, food and drink on demand, and siestas throughout the day. That sounds pretty nice.

Average ability, great opportunity.

". . . but be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some acheive greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em." (Shakespeare's "Twelth Night")

"Ability involves responsibility; power to its last particle, is duty." (Alexander Maclaren)

So what about the rest of us? Born average, average achievement, completely unthrusted upon (out of the gutter please) Spiderman the movie even takes a cue from Mr. Maclaren when Uncle Ben says "with great power comes great responsibility." I love those quotes, and they make me feel all warm and fuzzy, but I don't think they are complete. I believe Jesus said it better: "for whomsoever much is given, of him shall much be required . . ." (Luke 12:48) It's true that greatness or power can be given to a man, and therefore much would be required, but opportunity can also be a gift. There is so much need in this world, and as a result, there are many opportunities to make a difference.

The economy is in the tank, millions of Americans don't have access to health care, the public school system is falling behind, and even the post office is on the road to failure. So what are you going to do about it? Wait and see if the politicians fix it, and if they don't you'll vote em the heck out of there? Good luck with that.

Now is the time to come together. Families, communities, churches, and other organizations can improve any situation as long as people are willing to work.

We've been given the opportunity to live in one of the greatest ages the earth has ever seen. New advances in medicine, technology, and creativity are unprecedented. And now, as our security and prosperity seem to be slipping away, we all look around to find someone to blame. But in the end, you will be judged, whether by man or God, based on what you did with what you had.

I still believe that we can turn things around through hard work, determination, and a load of optimism. We are constantly having great opportunities thrust upon us. And even though these opportunities are coming in the form of adversity, we must do our best to face them with enthusiasm rather than cynicism.

Got healthcare?

Just a warning right off the bat, the length/interesting ratio is probably not sufficient for most people. But if you do feel like reading this, I'd like to hear your comments.

I've almost always wanted to be a doctor. Sure, there were times when I wanted to be a fireman, action hero, or astronaut, but being a physician was my most consistent dream. I sort of feel like it was my calling in life, but it might just be those fancy white coats they get to wear. I suppose buying one at a supply store would be more affordable than a medical education. But no matter what the cause, every time I go into a hospital or a doctors office I feel like I'm at home, or like I'm supposed to be there. Nevertheless, as it often happens, plans changed. I got distracted by potential adventures in Asia, or bankers hours, or an easier lifestyle. After I finally snapped out of it I walked down the medical road for a bit, but I was too far away from contention for medical school, and I had more family oriented goals that needed to be attended to.

So now I'm a lawyer in training--a "blood sucker," if you will. One of my goals in life is to use my powers for good instead of evil. I want to defend Doctors and Hospitals. Don't get me wrong, I think patients need good attorneys too, but that's just not my thing. Hopefully whoever I go up against will be capable, and the truth will come out. (Of course in this job market, I'd be happy to fight for the oppressed patients! or patents, or contracts, or whatever.)

So I have very strong feelings about health care, and it's making me so mad lately that the solutions are getting all screwed up by politics. Public options, socialized medicine, free market, government health care, blah blah blah. But before I get to that I want to talk about the "why" instead of the "how".

Is health care a human right? An essential requirement for our government to provide? Or is it a privilege or luxury? This is an important question, because if you are arguing with someone who answers that question differently than you, then you will have trouble coming to any type of agreement. Honestly, if you think it's a privilege, like Cable TV or the internet (which some might argue is essential) then a mandate requiring everyone to have it might rub you the wrong way. Honestly, it would really irk me if President Obama said "Every home in this country must have the internet! If you don't have it, you'll be subject to a fine. To keep competition honest, we will provide a government internet service provider" I don't see health care as a privilege or luxury-I've thought about this for a couple years and I just don't see it that way. If you slip on some ice and break your arm, you should be able to go to the ER without it destroying your finances. If a cute little girl gets leukemia, she should get care without bankrupting her entire family. I find it hard to believe that anyone out there would really say "TOUGH LUCK" to the uninsured if they looked at it on a case by case basis.

So how do we do it? I don't know. But I think I'll spend a lot of my life trying to figure this out. I'm just afraid the government might act a little too rashly and screw it all up first. :)

First, to all you Democrats out there: stop blaming the markets and insurance companies for the high cost of medical care. That's kind of a bull crap argument. Health care is expensive, and we want to have the best health care in the world, so don't pretend that it can just be cheap because you want it to be so. NASA isn't affordable, and neither is the Military. Sure, preventative care and better efficiency will cut costs, but the current health care proposals won't really do a good job of that. What are they going to do? Mandate that everyone get a physical every year? Create drive-thru proctologists? Or maybe tell you that you can't get that MRI even if your insurance covers it? That sounds like a reduction in freedom to me.

Both sides seem to favor tort reform, but there are serious consequences I won't go into here, and the financial impact will not be all that substantial. (One speaker at a seminar even said that completely eliminating all medical lawsuits would only reduce costs by 2-3%, so that 20k medical bill is now only 19,400)

Next, I have to argue with the republicans out there. I don't think public options are the same as socialized medicine.....at all. A simple example is the post office. Even though UPS, Fed Ex, and DHL are limited in terms of shipping letters, they are free to compete with the post office on packages. Is there any evidence that the existence of a government postal service has eaten up all the private competitors? I know it isn't the same thing, but I feel like it's taking it way to far to say that having a government health insurance would automatically swallow up other insurers. I guess if you think the government is completely evil, you may think that they will offer ridiculously cheap insurance that will drive all private companies out of the market and create a socialistic health care system. But do you have any evidence of this happening in another industry? I think worst case scenario a public option would just end up like public education. Private schools are limited but still widely available.

I would personally be much more comfortable if the government had a very limited role. Why not offer preexisting condition insurance through the government? Or trauma insurance that is available to everyone. If private companies didn't have to cover preexisting conditions or amounts over $100,000, the premiums would most certainly go down. That would mean that you'd still be in the market to compare rates and choose the cheapest/best coverage for you, but you wouldn't be completely disadvantaged because of a medical condition that is partially, if not completely, out of your control. Of course this would create a gov't bureaucracy that would have to decide what they would cover and what they wouldn't cover.... but it's not like Congress' current plan is going to run itself.

So what are your thoughts? Is healthcare a right or a privilege? Will a public option destroy the system and turn us into Europe? Can we have the best health care in the world without it being the most expensive? Are saturated fats and willy wonka really to blame for this mess?

Wife Magic

So I was sitting around the other day at home, thinking about my comfortable apartment and marvelling at how nice and affordable it is, and I decided to write a tribute to my wife for introducing me to a couple examples of the magical wifey type stuff out there.

Laundry Basket

During my bachelorhood, this was called "the corner." I always figured that if my clothes didn't stink or look terrible, then I could always get them back out of the corner. I would have a big mound of clothing, like a little clothing club, and I would do huge loads of laundry on occassion. I understand that I'm a man, and that clothing gets dirty, but my stink factor is low enough that the underwear acts as a decent shield for at least 3 wears... and I didn't actually do manly work, so it's not like I was getting grease all over my banker clothes. So the philosophy was : "wash the undies and exercise clothes often, and the rest will last me a while. Think about it, 10 outfits, three days each= 30 days with no laundry. And I really only had to go shopping once every 18 months or so. I think if I didn't have to separate lights and darks, I would probably just use the washing machine as a laundry basket.

But now my eyes have been opened. I still manage to make a little pile where my wife doesn't walk, but there is this magic white basket where my dirty clothes can go, and then I can tell the difference between dirty clothes and clean clothes (I'm not really that bad, but maybe a little) And for some reason, some crazy crazy reason, my room doesn't smell like a muskrat. I'm still a slob compared to my wife, and I try to make it up to her, but serious progress has been made.

I always said "Who needs a laundry basket" and apparently the answer is "anyone who can afford $3.99 at walmart."

Curtains

Curtains are just not manly. Do you disagree? I'd be fine correcting my post with any manly examples you can think of, but I really can't. Men don't need curtains... if mini blinds just won't do, then we'll make up a teflon-titainum substance that fights back the sun army and keeps our house cool. Think of a super spy that has curtains in his office? Anyone? Anyone? Do lumberjacks have curtains in their cabin? Do pirates have curtains on their port holes? I think the President of the United States has curtains in the oval office, but I'm not supposed to think that's a manly job, and I'm sure he doesn't do the decorating anyway. When I was a bachelor and I didn't like the bright light in my window at 6 am that the blinds couldn't fight off, I just hung a jungle sheet that I found at the DI. It blocked out most of the light, and put tiger stripe shadows on the wall.

But again, my eyes were opened. Did you know that curtains are awesome? I'm not yankin' yer chain here, I'm serious. The light in our apartment is all golden now, and I have so many options. Open window, open blinds, open curtains.... open curtains, closed blinds... I can even have open window closed curtains and then they just blow in the wind like a russian ballerina, instead mini blinds, that clank in the window like a monkey in a cage.. Maybe curtains should be manly... But that's like making a skirt manly... wait, wait... Kilt Curtains! Can you say business opportunity!

Zip Loc Bags

My teeth can chew threw steel. I'm a man.. I can eat tree bark. Do you seriously expect me to be afraid of stale licorice? And I'm resourceful, I can just use the grocery bag to cover the cheese after I open it. Air tight? No, but who cares... Air never hurt me none.

But little did I know.. really, did you know that if you use a zip loc bag for licorice after you open it, it's like you have fresh licorice every time? Fresh redvines are sweet heavenly gifts... and stale redvines are like cherry dog toys (still delightful, however) And, did you know that cheese doesn't get that weird baking soda flavor if you keep it sealed air tight? Before I got married I just figured that it was silly to spend 2.49 every 6 months on bags.... oh was I wrong!

So thanks Nat, for bringing these miracles into my life.. Oh yeah, and for having my Baby. :)

(Disclaimer: For those of you who don't know me, I'm not really that stupid, and I understand that a Baby is more of a miracle than a zip loc bag.... do they make zip loc diapers? Business opportunity number 2! Think Billy Mays would pitch the idea?)

My Brain = No Vacancy

My brain can't take it anymore; no, wait... my brain won't take it anymore. I don't really know how to explain this feeling, but right now my brain is like a bank vault at night: nothing can open it but time. This isn't fatigue, and I'm not sleepy. My brain actually will not accept information. This has happened 3 times in my life: right now, the night after I finished my 8 hour final last semester, and after memorizing 300 chinese characters a couple years ago. I can still access information, and I'm still thinking clearly, but I can't learn anything.. This is especially inconvenient because I need to be learning about joining parties in a lawsuit. I think running would help, but I already did that. Alcohol is not an option. I think television is my only hope, and that's kind of ironic. Avoiding learning and wasting time watching Heroes on hulu.com might actually help me get ready for my next final. Pure awesomeness.