Jesus taught in parables. He also taught very new concepts to an uneducated crowd, at least some of the time. Parables, metaphors, similes, and their similar friends can be powerful educational tools. The Prodigal Son, the Lord of the Rings, Rudy, Rocky, and the Mighty Ducks don't just teach lessons, they bring the listener into the story and introduce empathy.
Mormons love the Savior (we try to keep his commandments, at least), and we seek to emulate him. So I can see why people like to use parables to illustrate points. I just wish they would stop being so terrible at it.
My irritation with these stories goes back about fifteen years, back to when I thought I was cleverer than I was. I'm still not clever, but my feelings haven't changed in 15 years, so I guess I'll own them.
So let's examine three right here. I'd love to hear some metaphors/parables/stories that you don't like.
#1: Watching a movie with a bad part is like drinking orange juice that is mixed with toilet water.
No. No it's not. This is lazy stuff right here. (No offense?) The point the story teller here is trying to make is that the good parts of any movie are not good enough to justify exposure to nudity, cussing, and offensive violence. They are saying that getting a good dose of vitamin C is not worth drinking fecal matter! Well nobody was arguing that, Mr. Straw-Man. Nobody is arguing that orange juice with toilet water is super great. Maybe if we were pirates and we had scurvy; maybe in that case we would put up with a little toilet water dripping on our vitamins.
But our youth are not scurvy-ridden pirates; ok, most of them aren't.. Our youth are savvy, and toilet water is everywhere, metaphorically speaking. I'm not calling anyone Satan here, but Satan probably used this metaphor when trying to convince people of his plan. (If you aren't Mormon, this requires some explanation.) "Whoa whoa whoa! Agency? What is this? You are going to go down there with sin and pain? Do you like orange juice? Or a milkshake? What if I put toilet water in it, would you still drink? Well that's agency right there." - Satan.
Our youth should analyze things they actually question, like movies and music. Take the Shawshank Redemption. It's rated R, and has 7-7-7 on kids-in-mind.com. F words, prison rape, hangings, etc. I watched it, and I felt like I learned a lot. Or consider Saving Private Ryan (Rated R, 1-9-7 on Kids in mind). There are 19 F words in that movie. The movie has great historical, patriotic, and spiritual value, though. So how does a young person determine whether 19 F words outweighs the good? Some people hear 19 F words every day at school, and they don't stop going.
What skills do we need to teach Youth to help them make the right decisions? How can we equip them with the armor of God. (hint: not with stupid toilet metaphors)
#2: Object lesson: Get a bunch of big rocks and little rocks. First, put all the little rocks in a jar, and then try to fit the big rocks in afterward. Design this so it doesn't work! Then, empty the jar, put the big rocks in first, and put the little rocks in so they dribble along the big rocks and all fit, nice and cozy! Then, do your best to apply this object lesson to spiritual priorities.
Big rocks = important, small rocks = not important. Put the big rocks in first.
But this doesn't make any sense, really. If you prioritize important things like family, church, and money to feed your kids, then you will sacrifice other things. If, every day, you spend 3 hours on your church calling, 4 hours with your kids, and 10 hours at work, it's not like you will magically have time to watch all the Netflix you want. If I get up at 5 am to work out, I don't get to take a nap later. Nope. No naps. In fact, if I want to add something important, I usually have to sacrifice something important. (See: Good, Better, Best)
Why not just have an honest discussion about what the Lord asks of us? This "priorities" concept isn't new or alien. We don't need an object lesson to explain that if you do stupid stuff all day, you won't have time for the good stuff. We need the tools to determine what constitutes "good" or "best."
#3: If your aim is just 1 degree off when you are shooting at a target one mile away, you'll miss.... by a LOT!
I've personally shared this one, several times. But it's kind of nonsense, amirite? Really, does anyone actually think people are like bullets fired from a gun? You gotta aim right at the beginning and then "bam!" your destiny is fixed, less the wind blows you into a tree. Oops, treed for eternity. Hope you weren't listening to Eminem and cussing when it was aiming time, you are eternally off course.
But LDS people believe in an infinite Atonement, given to us by Jesus Christ. We believe in weekly, daily, hourly, secondly (?) repentance, and a complete reliance on a combination of change and grace. Bullets don't have course corrections, unless you are watching "Wanted" with Angelina Jolie (edited for TV of course, for those of you who don't understand that, some of the toilet water was removed. Science!).
Why do we allow people to use metaphors that essentially ignore the most important principles of the Gospel? It's the same reason we tell kids that they will get lead-poisoning from a pencil, that their faces will stick in place if they make funny faces, and that gum will stay in their bellies for two years. We are afraid that the truth--the complicated, confusing truth--will not be enough to convince them to do the right thing.
We need more faith.
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